I’ve arrived.

I haven’t written because I have been busy settling myself here in California. As it turns out, this time of year was a terrible time to move. September in LA is hot. It’s even hotter in “the valley” where I moved. I wish someone would have warned me about this before I moved. I would have moved to one of the beach cities in the Southbay or Orange County or something! But no. Instead here I am in Burbank, Calif. Otherwise known as “the valley.”

Here’s a little bit of an update:

The drive here went fine. Actually it wasn’t that bad. Matt and I stayed in some nice hotels along the way. He did his best to make a pitch as to why we should have a long-distance relationship. However, it was unfortunate timing. I had just learned that while Nina had a temporary two-week long distance with Seth, Seth was busy finding someone else. Two weeks!!!! Two weeks and he found someone else? Then I remembered that Matt broke up with me this summer because he had found someone else. By the time we arrived in California I told him given his past behavior and Seth’s current behavior, I didn’t think that I could ever trust him again.

He was like a little lost puppy dog when he drove away. I have to admit … I miss him a bit. We talk every once in a while. I just think that ship has sailed for me. I’m moving forward and moving on, and I think Nina should, too. Nina is a beautiful girl. She’ll have no problem finding someone else. I told her that nothing gets you over your ex like another. I don’t think she took too kindly to that suggestion. But it’s always worked for me!

So, California. I have arrived! I’ve been very busy since I got here. Had a photo shoot in order to get a portfolio put together. Got the portfolio back and can I just say, Wow? I’m stunning in those pictures. Even better than real life. With portfolio in hand, I got myself an agent who recommended I take acting classes. So I’ve been doing that. This is going to sound really dumb. Like total Big-Bang theory. But I got a job at the Cheesecake Factory. I work four nights a week. During the day I take acting classes and go on casting-calls. Also I do extra work. I’m hoping that when I’m doing some extra work some big producer will discover me and want me as the lead for his next movie. Wouldn’t that be fab?

 

A second first date.

Earlier this week Matt asked me if he could take me out on a first date. I explained to him that since we used to date he can’t take me out on another first date. (There will never be another first date for us.) So then he asked if he could take me out on a second first date. I wanted to roll my eyes at him, but honestly I’ve never felt more adored by someone than I have when Matt and I were dating. Then for a long time before Matt and I broke up, I felt the opposite of adored. I felt unappreciated.

In the end I agreed to go on a second first date. It was last night. He took me to Rino’s Place in East Boston — a place made famous for being featured on the Foodnetwork TV show: Diner’s, Drive-In’s and Dives. It’s nearly impossible to get a seat there now, but we did. Two hours later. I was so hungry after the two-hour wait I couldn’t decide what I wanted. So instead of choosing one, we ordered one of everything and sampled all the good dishes. Ok, not really one of everything. But we ordered a lot: pasta al forno; fettucine alfredo, Bolognese, gnocchi, and lobster ravioli. The gnocchi was actually my favorite, while Matt liked the pasta al forno the best.

Afterward we went to Kendall Square Cinema to see Going the Distance with Drew Barrymore and Justin Long — which is basically a love story about two people in a long-distance relationship. I’m not a huge fan of Drew Barrymore. I don’t think she’s really all that pretty. But I did enjoy the movie. It was very cute. Matt, of course, loved the movie.

By the time the movie finished it was nearly midnight and we just went home. I went to sleep in the bedroom, Matt on the couch. He didn’t even go in for a second first kiss, which I found kind of surprising. When I asked him about it this morning he said he didn’t get the feeling that I would reciprocate the kiss. I replied simply. I would have.

A long time coming

I guess I should have known that this was going to happen. The signs were everywhere and increasingly so as of late. I think maybe I was in a little bit of denial. Or maybe I just wanted to keep things simple. Moving is stressful enough. (And for son long it seemed like my move was never going to happen.)

We finally set a date.

September 6, Labor Day.

The date was set after a long conversation that Matt and I had when I finally asked him what was taking so long for him to schedule time off through his job. He confessed that it wasn’t his job that was holding my trip up, but that it was him. He had changed his mind about breaking up with me. It was a mistake, he said. And he wanted to have me here in Boston as long as he could. So he kept telling me that work wasn’t cooperating in giving him vacation.

I didn’t know quite what to say when he told me how he felt and why he was doing what he was doing. Surprised? Not really. Mad? Not at all. Excited? Not that either. Happy? Not even that. When I am done with a relationship, I am done. No looking back in my relationship rearview mirror. No turning around. No going back. Matt knows this about me. We’ve dated for a long time. As soon as he broke up with me I made up my mind that we were done. To top things off, he started dating someone else immediately. That made us OVER, in my mind.

I didn’t give a reaction immediately and Matt told me not to say anything. Instead he wants me to think “us” over up until we arrive in California and say goodbye. Then he wants to know if it will be goodbye forever, for a little while, or goodbye until one of us can fly to see the other.

I don’t do do-overs. But something inside me is telling me maybe Matt deserves a second chance. Maybe long-distance will do our relationship good. Give us some breathing room.

I’m  just not completely sure either way.

Soon Matt and I will set off on our way to sunny California, and then I’ll have to face the biggest decision I’ve ever have to make.

Take me out to the ballgame

One of the things that Matt is insisting I do before I leave Boston is go to a Red Sox game at Fenway Park. Matt is slightly offended that I have yet to see a game at Fenway Park. He says he doesn’t know anyone who lives in Boston who hasn’t gone to see a baseball game. I don’t really like baseball, but I like to drink beer and eat peanuts; so I’m not totally opposed to going. Someone in his family has season tickets, and tonight he is taking me to see the Sox cream the Anaheim Angels (his words, night mine).

An outfit is in order for tonight’s outing. I must confess, I don’t have any Red Sox parephernalia. Matt about died laughing when I asked him what color their uniforms are so I could at least wear the same colors. Personally, I don’t think I look good in red, so matching an outfit to their colors is now out of the question.

I’m not exactly sure what constitutes a good outfit for going to the game (since I don’t have any tee’s and refuse to wear red). I wear heels everywhere, and Matt is forbidding me from wearing heels. I actually had to go out and buy a pair of tennis shoes because I don’t own any casual tennies.

So this is the baseball outfit I came up with: jeans, casual tennies, a slim fitting plain white tee (white happens to be one of their colors), and a scarf. I’m going to have to scout out other girls’ outfits when I’m there because (now that I’m on this baseball kick), I plan to go to a Dodger game sometime this fall once I arrive in LA.

Arrangements bring more questions

It’s settled. Matt and I are going to caravan to California. As it happens, he knows someone who knows someone who is a higher up with the Hilton corporation (or whatever, he was explaining but I wasn’t really listening), and we will have free hotel stays at Hilton hotels across the country. So now the only thing I really have to pay for is gas. Matt is refusing to let me pay his gas on the way there or back.

The bad news is we have to wait until he can get off work for a week or two. That will not be an easy feat because apparently he’s pretty important where he works. Apparently the world stops turning when he takes a day off work. (How come I never knew this? I guess I never paid attention…) So another question mark lingers. When will I be able to finally get to California.

Another question mark lingering in the air like an elephant in the room that no one talks about is Matt’s relationship status. He’s been home every night for the past two weeks. He doesn’t go out at night or on the weekends. Basically if I’m at the apartment (aside from hours when he’s at work), he is too. I’m not sure the girl he was/is dating would feel comfortable letting him drive across the country with his ex-girlfriend and stay in the same hotel room (Matt informed me we can only get one room for free and there’s no guarantee we can get two beds — it’s subject to availability. That kind of sucks for Matt. He will have to sleep on the floor.) I really don’t want to know what’s going on with him and the girl he was/is dating and he doesn’t talk about it.

This is one of the reasons we broke up in the first place. Our communication sucks. LOL.

Almost time for me to fly

I am mostly packed. As I mentioned before, I have figured out that I have too much stuff to take in my car. I’ve been trying to sell stuff, but economically speaking it seems like the nation is on a spending freeze. I sold my bike and that was about it. I turned to eBay to sell a few items just to make a little extra cash and I can’t even sell anything on eBay (and now I’m in the hole $.90 for listing items on eBay!). I tried selling some motocross boots that a college friend bought me during college. I used them once when we went to the desert for vacation. They are worth $90 and I listed the starting price at $10. Nothing! Seriously? Really? Nothing?!

I drive a Toyota Prius, which — I have to say — is rather roomy, but still not roomy enough to fit all my stuff inside. I don’t even have that much stuff! I am in a bit of a quandary because I have too much stuff to fit in my car, but not enough stuff to justify renting a truck or shipping my stuff through Pods. A small trailer would be perfect. But my Prius wasn’t meant to pull a trailer (or anything) across country.

One night I sat at the kitchen table ready to throw my laptop on the ground when Matt walked in to get a pop. The frustration was splayed across my face, apparently. When I told him the problem I was having trying to figure out how to get my stuff across the country, he abruptly ran out of the room. I rolled my eyes to myself in annoyance toward his lack of common courtesy toward me and began fuming all over again. Five minutes later he walked back into the kitchen, on his cell phone. I caught the tail end of his conversation.

So I could have it for two weeks? Great, thanks cuz.

Still angry at his rudeness, I averted eye contact until he said, I can help you. Let me help you.

Apparently Matt has a cousin who runs a U-haul business, and his cousin agreed to let him rent a trailer for two weeks. For free.

That’s really nice, Matt, I said. But my car is not and cannot be equipped to pull a trailer.

No, but my pick-up truck can, he said.

I wasn’t understanding him. I needed to drive my car to California. I needed it there. Not only that but even if I didn’t need a car in California, I wouldn’t feel comfortable driving a pick-up truck with a trailer attached across the country.

No, dummy, he said, laughing. I’ll drive my pick-up truck. You can drive your car. We’ll caravan. It will be fun! I haven’t been on a road trip in a while. We can stop at the Grand Canyon and go camping.

First of all, I hate camping. Matt knows this. He was there on that dessert camping trip when everyone went dirt biking. Second of all, it would be weird if he drove across the country with me. Considering we’re broken up. Third of all, if we were driving across the country together, we probably could fit all my stuff in my car and his truck and wouldn’t even need a trailer.

I looked at him with reservation in my eyes.

Tory, let me help you, he pleaded.

Love songs and dancing

When I was in high school, I date a boy named Jeremy for three years. He was a year older than me and we began dating my sophomore year. I broke up with him before I went to college (some people tell me I broke his heart and it hasn’t healed to this day — despite the fact that he lives in New York, is married, has a child, and a house in the Hamptons thanks to his new wife who comes from a really wealthy family). I loved Jeremy. Or, at least, I think I did. Maybe I don’t even know what love is? But when I was in high school I felt very strongly for him. I was very sappy. More sappy and romantic than I am now, in fact. I’ve hardened over the years, I guess.

One of the sappy things that Jeremy and I did when we were in high school was make each other mixed CDs of sappy love songs so we could listen to them when we were driving or any time we were away from each other. While packing, I found all my old CDs. So did Matt. While I was in the bedroom packing this morning, Matt popped one of the CDs into the stereo. I had no idea that he did that. I thought he was playing one of the music channels that comes with cable TV. Instantly I was transported back to high school. To school dances where we swayed in each other’s arms all night long, to hand-in-hand walks in the park, stolen kisses in between classes, and huddling next to each other for warmth at Football games.

When I walked into the living room where Matt was playing the music and doing some light cleaning, Matt burst into laughter and began making fun of me. All the CDs were signed by Jeremy, I will love you forever and ever.

I snapped on him a bit.

You used to say those same words to me, I yelled.

Matt went quiet. I walked back into the bedroom and slammed the door. A few minutes later Matt was knocking on the door. When I opened the door, he pulled me into his arms. Then we slow-danced to Toto’s I’ll be over you in the doorway to the bedroom.

Too much stuff!

I am hoping to be out in California by September 1, if not sooner. There are lots of things I need to wrap up before I go. Lots of things I wasn’t planning to have to deal with.

The biggest thing is that it is apparent that it is impossible for me to drive to California with all my belongings in my car. I’m not sure I’ll even be able to fit all my clothes and shoes in there. My solution? Fed-ex. I’m going to send what I can’t fit in my car through Fed-Ex to Kate’s door.

In a strange turn of events, Matt has been home a lot recently. I don’t think things are going well with his new girlfriend, but I don’t think he wants me to know. He’s actually been pretty helpful. Helping me pack, organize my things, and move my boxed up stuff to storage (storage is on the ground floor and it will be easier to move stuff from storage than our third story apartment). He also offered to help me sell some stuff on Craigslist — some of his stuff that he doesn’t use anymore — and he offered to let me have the money so long as I list the stuff and deal with the people.  Since the Craigslist Killer struck in Boston, I told him I didn’t want to sell anything without having someone here. He volunteered to be available for that.

On top of everything else, he’s hinting around that he will miss me. He’s never been to California and was asking me how long the flight is, where he could stay if he visited, etc. I haven’t told him this, but I’m not interested in maintaining a relationship with him once I’m out there. Or getting back together for that matter. There are going to be tons of hot guys in the industry and I’d rather be single if I’m going to be living there. Besides, he broke up with me! And started dating someone else right away! Who does he think he is?

Observations on moving.

A) It’s really expensive. Boxes alone are almost $1 per box at home depot (and that’s for the small box. Medium and Large boxes are even more expensive.) Not to mention other supplies like packing tape, packing paper, and bubble wrap. Bubble wrap has to be the biggest rip-off of the century. If you don’t believe me just google it and see how much it is!

B) If you’re trying to move by fitting everything you can in your car, it really limits what you can take with you

C) People that buy things on Craigslist are cheap and/or not really looking to buy anything

D) It’s easier to move if you have family and friends in the area

E) It’s easier to move if you’re going to an area where you have friends and family

F) It’s easier to move if you’re not also dividing up personal items between yourself and your ex significant other

G) The next time I move it’s going to be in the fall when it’s not so freaking hot outside

H) It really takes motivation to pack up your things, even when you’re excited about the move

I) It’s really easy to procrastinate/find other things you can be doing besides packing, even when you’re excited about the move

J) Although more ideal than driving a rental truck across the country, PODS are more expensive. Ridiculously more expensive. (I’m not using PODS or driving a truck across the country because I decided I couldn’t afford to do either and my parents wouldn’t pay for either, either.)

K) Moving is a hassle, even if you’re excited about your move

Moving speedbumps

So everyone that I know who has moved anywhere and needed to get rid of stuff has suggested selling things on Craigslist. It’s better than eBay because you don’t have to pay to sell something. I have done a lot of posting lately of some really good stuff. Unfortunately I’m not getting very many responses. A few big-ticket items have gone already: my old bedpost. I asked $150 for it; she asked if she could pay $100. Whatever. I kind of just want to get rid of it anyway. But the most interesting thing I sold was my bike. I ended up selling it to my neighbor but not before a lot of fretting from some of the responses I received. See below:

Blake: Do u have the bike still?

Tory:  I do.

Blake: I’m interested n it then. I’m in Beacon Hill. Would you be able to deliver?

(First of all, if he lives in Beacon Hill why do I need to deliver it to him?? He should have enough money where he can come get it from me.)

Tory: I guess. Where do you live in Beacon Hill?

Blake: 12 Hancock St. We can meet up tomorrow morning? Give me a call and we’ll figure it out. Thx

Tory: Um, What’s your phone number??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? I’m not in town until tomorrow afternoon or early evening.

Blake: 555-458-0559 If it doesn’t work today.  I’ll be around after 5:30 tomorrow as well. Thanks

I found Blake to be weird but this other email actually kind of freaked me out a bit:

From Wilson:

Hi,
Thanks for the response.I am willing to pay your asking price.I will pay by money order as its the only way i can pay you at the moment.I would have loved to come take a look but i am presently out of town on an assignment.I will not be back in town soon. I dont mind adding an extra twenty dollars so you can keep it in my favor,Please send me some pictures.I hope it is in good condition.Reply with your full name,cell phone number,and address where payment should be sent.I will let you know how i intend to go about the pick-up.Please take the posting off Craigslist today and consider it sold to me.
Expecting to hear from you soon.

I thought I would end up a story on dateline if I sold my bike to this guy. Thank God my neighbor Erika decided to buy my bike!